Just another Manic Monday? Wish it was Sunday? Nothing beats a case of the Mondays like a camp-out. And we ain’t talkin’ s’mores, sing-a-longs and psycho killers. We’re talking about getting in touch with your guilty pleasure zone. That’s right, every Monday we’ll be bringing you the best of the worst. It’s gonna be awesome – and terrible! – all at the same time.
Oh, the drama queens. We all knew them. And even though we’ve left high school, they’re still around with their woes and rants. But I’ve never know a drama queen as ridiculous as played by LiLo in Disney’s 2006 Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, mourning her favourite band’s breakup, following destiny through the streets of New York one rainy night, aching for the lead in the high school production as if it were the source of life. To top it all off, she’s going through that mucky, confusing adolescent phase when everything is the most important thing in the world and parents are just out to make your life miserable and constricting.
In the film, our New York drama queen moves with her mom and younger twin sisters to Dellwood, a.k.a. Deadwood, New Jersey. How does one expect our destined-for-fame Lola Cep (Lindsay Lohan) to enchant the stages of Broadway living in the ‘burbs of Jersey? Oh, the sheer torture. But of course, our young starlet must trudge on. She instantly becomes best friends with Ella (Alison Pill) through their shared mad fan-love for glam rock band Sidarthur. Just as her future is looking up, Carla (Megan Fox), the leader of the bitch clique, steps in to spoil the fun. The dueling ensues in the form of extravagant lies, PG disses and a DDR-like dance-off.
Why it’s terrible:
Sadly, this song helped launch LiLo’s music career. Right after this, she released her first album, which sadly brought us “Rumours” and “Over”. And some other song called “First” that no one really seems to remember. It also brought us her second album. Luckily her music career dissolved into overly-catchy pop history, but unfortunately, so did her film career around the same time.
Stu as Lola’s new BFF
Really? Are you going to encourage young girls watching this film to seriously chase their “dreams” of meeting up and becoming involved with their impossible-to-reach celebrity crushes? For the most part, this doesn’t actually ever happen. Stop leading little girls in the wrong direction!
Cheesy animated scenes
Yeah, it’s supposed to be dramatic but is it really supposed to be that corny? Did the fib about Lola’s parents really need to take place in a cartoon world? Did Stu need to fly on a comet toward Lola’s window? No, they did not.
Megan Fox’s “bully voice”
Clearly, she’s putting it on too much. It’s like a little girl on helium.
Megan Fox as “the bully”
Not to hate on Ms. Fox, but as Carla, I wanted to slap her. What a bitch. I guess that’s the point but sometimes I just wished Lola would sock her one in head and tell her off.
Why it’s awesome:
Are you not singing it yet? Need some help?
That girl was a one time teenage drama queen
A hot, tough everyday wannabee
But she’ll have changed her destiny
Now she’s a somebody
That girl was a wild child dreamer but she’ll find herself
‘Cause she believes in nothin’ else
And you’ll look back and you won’t believe
That girl was me
There you go! Now put it on your playlist before Ashlee Simpson’s “Pieces of Me” and you’re set.
It’s a little Brady, it’s a little groovy, it’s a lot entertaining. Admit it, those of you who live on Facebook do it all the time.
That stylist knows what she’s doing! Dressed in all-white 70s garb with a head wrap, a modern Eliza Doolittle’s sparkley pink mini, or even decked out in supposedly Stu’s old rock duds, Lola does it wickedly well.
The colourful trash
Ok, so this has almost nothing to do with the film (except maybe we can get a little symbolic and say it mirrors Lola) but wow, do you not want your trash to look like that? I don’t feel so bad for Stu, falling into a bubble-like heap of cotton candy pink, sky blue and rubber ducky yellow coloured trash bags. Me wants.
So maybe your idea of getting away from everyday isn’t stalking your favourite rock star, dressed in a glittery pink dress through the streets of New York late at night, but it sure makes you wish you could follow that far-off daydream you have. It’s just a reminder that you can be a little impulsive sometimes.
LiLo’s better days
This film fell right in between Freaky Friday and the brilliance that is Mean Girls. It’s kind of sad though to think of the highlight of her career as a short stretch of girly teen flicks, but it is what it is. At least she’s coming back soon with Robert Rodriguez’ Machete (well after her stint in the slammer). Fingers crossed.