You know when you’re talking to someone you think is like totally happening in a far out way and they ask if you’ve seen their favourite movie and you lie and say you seen “parts of it” because you don’t want to seem like a total pop culture pariah? Yeah, we do too – and we hate ourselves for it! That’s why we’re vowing to watch at least one movie we’ve put off, ignored, rejected or just plain-out forgot about every week from now on. Join us as recount the popping of our cinematic cherries, complete with awkward, over-analytical details!
BY EMILY GAGNE
DATE RELEASED: December 13, 1995
DATE ACTUALLY WATCHED: February 6, 2011
WHY NOW?: Two totally sensible reasons. I had an exam on the book coming up and more importantly, there’s a new “Latino” adaptation of the novel (Jane Austen’s first) coming out this weekend. This Material Girls rehash is called From Prada to Nada and stars Alexa “Yes, that girl from Spy Kids” Vega and that chick that played the lead in 10,000 B.C. and stole Joe Jonas from T. Swift (Camilla Belle). I’m not kidding.
WHY NOT THEN?: Um, I was six when it came out. Also, I have tried to avoid anything and everything Austen since birth. Well, beside The Jane Austen Book Club, which I’ve seen a few too many times to count. Mainly because Kevin Zegers is in it. And I’ve been searching for more of that national treasure in my life since Air Bud.
- Lots of countryside scenery and all-around awesome cinematography, courtesy of my main man, Ang Lee (dude gave us Brokeback Mountain!)
- Kate Winslet looking gorgeous and semi red-headed.
- An overwrought score meant to sweep me off my feet and into a lovey dovey trance.
- Lots of talk of money, property and how that relates to your attractiveness to the opposite sex.
- At least one lavish party scene.
- At least one wedding.
- Elegant-yet-breath-defying corset-set frocks.
WHAT I ACTUALLY GOT…
- SNAPE AND TRELAWNEY TOGETHER AGAIN!! But not really. Since this was made way before J.K. even dreamed of the boy who lived.
- A LOVE ACTUALLY reunion (Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman).Er, way-pre-production party?
- Kate Winslet looking gorgeous, strawberry blonde and very Rose Dawson.
- Hugh Grant kind of acting like Mr. Darcy.
- Alan Rickman kind of acting like the brother of his character from Sweeney Todd. Minus the pillaging and kidnapping. More in the why-is-he-mind-macking-on-that-barely-legal-lady-while-muttering kind of way.
- Lots of talk of money, property and marriage with the random dry-as-toast Brit quips slipped in—courtesy of Emma Thompson (!), who wrote the screenplay herself and earned an Oscar for it!
- A little too much countryside scenery for this city gal’s taste. Sorry Ang!
- An overwrought score that occasionally swept me up but mostly made me long for Brokeback.
- Multiple weddings.
- Elegant-yet-breath-defying corset-set frocks—and bonnets!—that just make me want to rewatch Little Women.
ONE NIGHT-IN STAND OR SECOND DATE POTENTIAL? Friendly acquaintances. I mean, if we happened to meet up via some late-night channel surfing, I wouldn’t ignore it. In fact, I’d probably take a half-hour or so to catch up. You know, see how it’s holding up? But unless I needed some help on another exam, I doubt I’d go out of my way to see this on a whim again. Especially when I could be watching The Jane Austen Book Club.