You know when you’re talking to someone you think is like totally happening in a far out way and they ask if you’ve seen their favourite movie and you lie and say you seen “parts of it” because you don’t want to seem like a total pop culture pariah? Yeah, we do too – and we hate ourselves for it! That’s why we’re vowing to watch at least one movie we’ve put off, ignored, rejected or just plain-out forgot about every week from now on. Join us as recount the popping of our cinematic cherries, complete with awkward, over-analytical details!
NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE
DATE RELEASED: December 14, 2001
DATE ACTUALLY WATCHED: July 13, 2011
WHY NOW?: While reading up on Captain America, I ended up on Chris Evans’ IMDB page. And I realized this teen comedy satire was where he got his big break.
WHY NOT THEN?: Seeing as I was just becoming a teen at the time and had a serious penchant for the filmography of Freddie Prinze Jr. and co, I thought I might find it offensive. Also, I thought it looked incredibly dumb and not in an awesome way (See: Wayne’s World 2, Deuce Bigalow, Undercover Brother).
- Chris Evans doing his best FPJ.
- Parodies of She’s All That, 10 Things I Hate About You, Can’t Hardly Wait, Bring It On, American Pie and every other movie that defined my pre-adolescence.
- “Little Grey” dressed up like a pre-red stain dress, slow stair walk makeover sequence Laney Boggs.
- Hard rock covers of 1980s pop classics (i.e. “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” from The Breakfast Club).
- Boobs, dicks and fart jokes.
- John Hughes nods GALORE…including a cameo from Principal Vernon!
- Chris Evans, covered in whipped cream?!
WHAT I ACTUALLY GOT…
- Chris Evans, doing his best FPJ while covered in whipped cream and a (in)appropriately placed banana.
- Parodies of all those movies PLUS Varsity Blues, Cruel Intentions, The Craft and Never Been Kissed.
- Boobs, dicks, farts, vibrators, conjoined twins, every racial stereotype imaginable and a musical number.
- The Slow Clap Guy! (Played by Bogey Lowenstein!)
- Ted Mosby trying to be an unpretentious, awkwardly randy tour guide.
- John Hughes references GALORE including a cameo from Principal Vernon, a school named after the godly director and an amazeballs cameo from….Samantha Baker/Claire Standish/Andie Walsh – or, as you might know her, MOLLY RINGWALD.
ONE NIGHT-IN STAND OR SECOND DATE POTENTIAL? Sick day potential. Maybe. It’s definitely not good. But it’s definitely not bad enough to switch the channel either.