By Ashley Kowalewski
The gist: A drunken deadbeat thief (played by Billy Bob Thornton, who we’re really not sure if he’s even acting for this particular role…) dresses up as Santa every year at department stores, and then along with his pint-sized sidekick (played by Tony Cox), robs the store on Christmas Eve, and then takes off. Along the way Santa meets an insecure, under-cared-for kid and crashes at his mostly unsupervised house while he plots his next heist.
Naughty or nice: Mostly naughty, but with a touch of nice. The message of the movie really isn’t a nice one—I mean, even though Santa gets the kid a gift and helps him out, he does so by stealing and drinking himself into a stooper. But, hey, a happy ending is a happy ending.
Why it gets us in the spirit: What says Christmas more than drinking and stealing? I don’t know about you, but that sounds like one of my holidays for sure. Kidding. Well, maybe only on one of those. I’ll let you decide which.
Magic moment: Watching the late greats John Ritter and Bernie Mac discuss the use of the term “fuckstick.” Can’t get much better than that.
Santa sighting: If you actually consider a drunken emaciated Billy Bob Thornton “Santa,” then the entire movie. If not, then don’t expect much but a drunken emaciated Billy Bob Thornton. Sorry.
Accompanying carol: Bing Crosby’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” plays while “Santa,” The Kid, and Sue (played by Gilmore Girls’ Lauren Graham. FYI: If you have some reservations about seeing Lorelai getting banged in a beater car by Santa, you may not want to watch this movie) decorate a slightly depressing tree (even Charlie Brown was concerned).
Perfect present for: Someone who needs a good laugh, has few morals, or a die-hard Billy Bob Thornton fan. You might have a better time finding someone that fit the first two.[youtube http://youtu.be/AKONPxrqFxs]
Ashley Kowalewski is an editorial assistant and freelance writer based in Toronto. She has enough nail polish to last a lifetime, reads too much for her own good, and is hopelessly in love with Matt Damon (and his bad movies, too). Follow her @AshKowalewski.