BY SARAH EVANS
When Malcolm (Marlon Wayans) and his girlfriend Kisha (Essence Atkins) move in together, strange things start happening. They discover a paranormal entity is taking over their house and eventually Kisha. In order to keep his sex life on track, Malcolm hires a motley crew of ghost “experts” to drive out the demon possessing his girlfriend.
Seriously, what happened to the Wayans bros? I remember them on In Living Color and unless my juvenile mind was deceiving me, they were pretty funny then. It seems like since the year 2000 happened, they’ve just traded in any talent for terrible gag remakes. If you’re going to do remakes or spoofs of other movies, at least make them funny.
From beginning to end, this movie was filled with shitty humour and scenes that went on like a run-on sentence. An example of this is when Malcolm is preparing his moves in the bedroom while Kisha slips into something “a little more comfortable.” While she’s in the bathroom, we are forced to watch what seems like the longest sequence ever of him dry humping a bunch of stuffed animals. At one point, I just yelled out, “What the fuck!” and wondered when it was ever going to end. (Kisha ends up coming out in sweats, by the way.)
Other actors that made an appearance in the film were David Koechner (Anchorman), Nick Swardson (Reno 911!) and Cedric The Entertainer (Madagascar 1,2 & 3). Although these 3 are notably funny actors, I could only really handle Swardson as Chip the Psychic (a parody on Chip Coffey from Paranormal State). Why? Not because his performance was really better than anyone else’s, but it reminded me of the real Chip, which made me laugh (check out his AMAZING website).
I understand we need to have a little dumb humour every now and then, but I figured that’s what the Scary Movie franchise was for. Come on, Wayans, do you really need to keep capitalizing on that with more shitty movies?
Anyway, if you do decide to watch A Haunted House, make sure you smoke a big fatty boom batty or down a jug of moonshine to get your through it.
Sarah is coupon writer by day and a freelance photographer/writer by night in the Ottawa region. Her all time favourite movie is The Exorcist and she cries in almost every sad scene in a movie no matter how bad it is.