By Jane Waldner
This week on UnReal, Rachel and Adam have decided to flee Everlasting and be together. Rachel leaves an incredibly heartfelt note to Jeremy simply stating “I don’t deserve you!” and Adam leaves Anna after their passionate night together. But of course, nothing works out as planned when Quinn finds Adam before he takes off. At the airport, Adam does meet up with Rachel, but only to tell her that they wouldn’t work out, mere hours after deciding to run away together. Rachel leaves teary-eyed and will have stellar raccoon eyes for the next little while.
Adam goes back to Anna, who has retreated to her room, and apologizes for leaving in the middle of the night. Anna, who still has flawless mascara, is hurt but ultimately forgives him because this show is bonkers.
Quinn gets a call from Brad’s assistant and finds out that her meeting with him has been cancelled. Quinn suspects foul play and is immediately confronted by Chet, Madison and Dr. Wagerstein. Turns out Chet has made Madison a field producer and given Dr. Wagerstein the segments on the show that she wanted.
Quinn expected Chet to cheat on her. Hell, that’s how they got together in the first place. But she didn’t expect it in her own backyard. In a beautifully acted admission, Quinn confesses that she was even starting to believe in what they faked on the show. She was starting to believe that what they had was “true love.”
Later on, Rachel shows up back at Quinn’s office and explains that she is going to produce the greatest finale Everlasting has ever seen but she’s still pissed off about the blackmail. She looks crazed, but Quinn is totally into it, so they start planning to shoot the upcoming finale/wedding in London. Rachel is still unaware that Quinn was the one who made Adam change his mind, so she’s fully on Team Quinn. They both commiserate over their terrible taste in men and it’s beautiful and hilarious and utterly heartbreaking. Rachel says that there has to be a way to show up Chet for all the damage he’s done, so the two start hatching a plan.
After, Rachel finds Jeremy and asks him about the note she left. He feigns ignorance, saying he never got a note. Relieved, she bounces off, right before Jeremy gives us a super brooding look of knowledge. Oh, he knows what you did, Rachel.
Now back to Everlasting. Anna and Grace are looking at wedding dresses but someone is coming up the walkway. Could it be? Oh yes it is. It’s Britney, bitch!
Britney, the contestant who was cut in the very first episode, has returned at Chet’s behest (and to Rachel and Quinn’s irritation). This whole segment is ridiculous and I feel like was only used so they could put it in a promo.
Later, Grace and Adam go for a walk and she tries to convince him to pick her using her sexy sexy ways. It’s so convincing that Adam is starting to give her real consideration as his future bride.
On Everlasting, Adam and Britney speak to each other, but it’s boring and doesn’t matter. What is important is that Rachel gives up all pretense and tells Grace that Adam had sex with her the night before and was about the leave the show for her. Grace shoots back that he didn’t, so clearly it doesn’t matter. She also calls Rachel out on her manipulation, which I have to admit, was pretty awesome. Grace is no dummy. She’s very well aware of what she’s gotten herself into.
After, Jeremy confronts Adam and tells him that “he knows”. He doesn’t say what he knows exactly but Adam being an idiot, confesses to everything, clearly shocking Jeremy a bit in the process. This is going to bite someone in the ass later.
Rachel talks with Quinn about working on another project together. Her dream would be to create a show about women with jobs but Quinn takes that to mean a show about women who get hired by their husband’s company so they can sleep with his boss because that’s much sexier.
And then we’re suddenly in England. Rachel gets Duchess Camille Cromwell, Adam’s Grandmother, to meet the girls and she is rather…colourful in her treatment of them, which is hilarious and awesome. She talks to Adam privately about what she thinks and definitely makes it clear that Anna would be the preferable choice. We finally get to the last choosing ceremony, and Adam does in fact choose Anna, leaving an incredibly tearful Grace and a laughing Britney behind. Anna comes up in this gorgeous red dress and Adam proposes and it’s very sweet, yadda yadda yadda.
And then things start to get a little dark. Jeremy, gets down on one knee in front of Rachel… only to completely annihilate her in front of everyone on the show. He let’s everyone know that she is a trainwreck and is basically the worst. Rachel is shaken but is not deterred: she still has a wedding to produce.
Amid terrible stock images of London, we arrive at the church where the wedding is to take place. Rachel grabs Adam and stuffs him in the confessional booth, completely breaks down and asks what went wrong. She opens up the next confessional booth and who should be sitting there, but our dear Anna, who has heard everything, just as Rachel wanted.
And now to the live finale… where everything promptly falls apart because they’ve got a ‘runaway bride’. Rachel dismisses Adam with a flick of her wrist. No spin-off for you, sir. Brad has come to watch the taping of the live show and begs Quinn to fix it, which Quinn does willingly enough once she gets a promise from Brad that she’ll get whatever she wants from the network the next season.
Anna gets her vocal revenge as she tells the camera just exactly what she thinks of Adam and his Lothario ways. It’s epic and she looks fantastic doing it.
Adam confronts Rachel and tells her that Quinn filled him in on her psychotic break, and that’s why he broke things off. Rachel is furious because at least some of the information was flat-out lies.
Quinn comes over to Rachel after the finale is finished to celebrate their victory. Rachel is about to confront Quinn on everything but instead tells her… she loves her. Quinn looks at her strangely but reciprocates.
We’ve been watching this show all season for a love story of some kind. Was it going to be Adam and one of the female contestants? Or Adam and Rachel? Were Chet and Quinn going to live happily ever after?
Alas, no. The true love story throughout this show was between Rachel and Quinn. They’re the two that belong to each other, they’re the two who truly love each other. They understand each other, they know why the other does what they do, they understand the manipulations and the evil deeds because deep down they’ll always be there for each other, through thick, thin and blackmail. And for that, I am truly grateful because as a team, they will be indestructible. I can’t wait to see what they’re going to cook up for next season.
Images via Lifetime.