Image courtesy of Greg Gayne/The CW.
Before we get down to the Russian bridal hats and monochromatic backup dancers of it all (“Chapter Twenty-Seven,” you were a visual masterpiece and gif makers better be feeling #blessed for the bounty Jane the Virgin has bestowed on their Photoshop software this week), can we have a moment of silence to reflect on how goddamn cute Mateo is? Sure, all babies are cute (wink), but Mateo is like, next level adorable and I just wanna squash him. So in honour of his very first smile, I thought it was only right to give the teeny cabbage his cuteness due. Ready?
And now that we’ve had a chance to break the ice, let’s get to the main event … to heaven on earth, the girl that e-mailed our hearts and was born to make us happy. That’s right, Britney Jean Spears made her highly anticipated appearance on Jane the Virgin as Rogelio’s nemesis, and I hope you won’t hold it against me, but it was a moment I will remember ’til the world ends. The Brit-Brit cameo has been on the radar for months now, and it was outrageous how emphatically it managed to rock me in.
How I Met Your Mother showed us that it’s easy to use Britney Spears in a cameo capacity–all she really needs to do is show up and be Britney Spears, and it’s charming as hell. Jane the Virgin recognized this and took it to hypersaturated, telenovela heights. Britney as Britney on JTV is as James Van Der Beek was as the Beek on Don’t Trust the B in Apt. 23 (R.I.P.), a glamourized hyperbole of what you secretly hope that person is really like, and it worked like Queen B in a Will.I.Am collab. The backup entourage! The fantasy dance with Jane! The celebrity feud! I hope this isn’t the last we have seen of Ms. Spears at the Marbella, because I am already clamouring for her to gimme more.
It’s astonishing that there was even time for a cameo from the greatest Mouseketeer (sorry, Ryan), because this week’s episode was packed and nobody was feeling the twist and pull of it more than Jane. It seemed like everybody wanted a piece of her, and somehow against all odds, the lions share of Jane’s attention went to Petra! Obviously, I don’t blame her. Petra is a flawless goddess whose sartorial choices consistently coordinate with the walls and I would spend literally all my time with her if I had the option. But Jane and I have not always seen eye to eye on the subject.
Whether Jane was driven by an ulterior motive, a shared baby daddy, or if she really is just that great a girl, she was all in Petra’s court this week. And bless her for it, because if anybody could use a friend right now, it’s Petra. Between having self-impregnated herself in a fit of duplicitous pique, her marriage to Milos, (her Soviet Prince Charming/the man who threw acid at her mother’s face), and the honeymoon bombshell that the wedding was mostly an elaborate smuggling bamboozle, I have the feeling that Petra could really use a hug right now. And there is no doubt in my mind that Jane gives incredible hugs!
Michael could probably use a hug too, but given my druthers, he can turn to his brogelio Rogelio for that. Jane may have spent the bulk of the episode smitten and certain that Michael was The One, but I remain to be convinced. I’m sorry! I’ve had a problem with Michael since he demanded Jane quit her job last season because her artificial insemination was too stressful for him. Is this fair? Do I need to let go? Maybe. But hey, nobody ever said telenovelas were fair!
Anyway, it’s not like Rafael is doing that much better. That baby scrapbook he made for Jane was nothing short of emotional blackmail. I do think Rafael cares immeasurably about Mateo, but he is sliding into a tendency to lean on their shared baby as the reason Jane needs to be with him, and it is neither fair nor cool.
All in all, I’m fed up with both of Jane’s boys this week, and it’s starting to look like Jane is, too. Her choice to choose Mateo over men may have made Michael cry, but it gave me cause to cheer. And from Jane’s sentiments echoing Alba asking how she could put anything ahead of her own child, to the final scenes of the Villanueva women huddled around baby Mateo’s very first smile, it also reminded us that the emotional core of the show will always, always be with Jane, Alba, and Xo. To quote our (witty, honey toned, fabulous) narrator, they make me feel all the feels. And kudos to Jane the Virgin to managing to get that across in an episode that included Russian crime weddings, stoned grandmothers, pop stars, celeb wars, and actual bloodshed.
JANE THE VIRGIN airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET, 8 p.m. CT on The CW in the States. Canadian viewers can catch new episodes every week on Shomi.